19 October 2010

Happy 1st Birthday!

I can’t believe my little boy turns one today. This time last year, I was anxiously awaiting the anesthesiologist and getting ready for the big job ahead. While I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look upon that day with fond recollection, in the end, it marked the greatest thing to ever happen to me in my life – it brought me Andrew.

In short, the past year has been one hell of a ride. Somehow I went from a girl with seemingly little maternal instinct, a proverbial fish out of water, to a confident and contented mother. I’m amazed not only by how much Andrew has grown and changed over the year, but how hubby and I have changed as well. For me, motherhood has brought about a whole new self-confidence, a sense of strength that comes from having to be responsible and caring for another human being. Hubs and I often joke that 2009-2010 will forever be remembered as the “year we grew up.”

We don’t have big plans tonight to mark the occasion because we already hosted a birthday party for Drew over the weekend. He was spoiled rotten by family and we look forward to setting up all his new loot tonight. Here’s hoping he has a great day at daycare; I think they are having a small party for him there too.

Happy Birthday my little man. You have brought so much joy and laughter to my life and I can't wait to see what your future holds. Your father and I couldn't be more proud

18 October 2010

Back at it

I can’t believe I once thought of maternity leave as captivity; now I realize just how fortunate I was to have that time at home with Andrew…no matter how miserable we may have both felt in the beginning. A year ago today, I was about to head to the hospital in labour; now I find myself the mother of a soon-to-be toddler – CRAZY!

It definitely felt bizarre returning to work this morning. My office seems so empty and there’s really no point in decorating because I’ll be “officially” starting my new job in three weeks. Right now I’m working between both locations so I plan to spruce up and make myself at home when I check out the new digs later this week. It’s difficult coming back after being away for a year, only knowing that I’ll be leaving again shortly – I feel like I have no home at the moment and I’m being a bit cautious about letting myself get too close to people… I suck at goodbyes .

The early wakeup and getting Drew off to daycare wasn’t as brutal as I thought it would be. He cried, as is customary anytime I walk out the door but I’m confident that he is in capable and loving hands. I’m so glad that we phased him into daycare gradually over a month – while he stills hates leaving me (and I hate leaving him), I was able to personally avoid tears and meltdowns today. It still pains me to think that I’ll spend more time at work than with him but I know we’ll survive and it will make me work harder at making the most of our time together. I’m glad that our morning went well and was not rushed; hubby and I were dressed and ready for work by the time we woke Drew up for his bottle and breakfast, we had an entire hour to enjoy with our little man before we headed out the door.

Lunch break is over now and it’s back to the plethora of emails clogging up my inbox.

15 October 2010

Last day of maternity leave

So ends another chapter of my life and so begins a new one. It’s hard to believe that this is my last day of maternity leave and I’ll be sitting in my office on Monday morning. Several months ago I would have gladly returned to work, now I’m almost petrified. Dedicating an entire year of your life to one little person is hard to let go. I guess I’m afraid of how I’ll readapt to work life. To make matters more interesting, I’ll be transitioning into a new job upon my return; for three weeks I’ll be traveling between my old and new office, closing files at one and learning the ropes at the other.

To make a long story short, I was head-hunted by a colleague at the end of the summer for a position within my organization that I had aspired to work in for quite some time. I was generously offered a six month assignment to learn the ropes and get my foot in the door so that, hopefully, I’ll be the ideal candidate for the job when it goes up for competition. Seeing as our organization cannot do a straight deployment to a new positions, my colleague opted to give me the proverbial “kick at the can” so that I can gain more experience and see if this is an area that I want to remain in. While the timing sucks (very difficult asking your boss to grant you permission to leave for half a year, when you haven’t even returned from maternity leave), I would have been crazy not to jump at the opportunity. And so, not only am I experiencing the nervousness of starting something completely new, I’m also coping with the emotions attached to leaving Drew fulltime in daycare. Essentially, I’m a bag of nerves right now.

So how am I spending the last day of maternity leave? I’ll be treating myself to a haircut and highlights, followed by some shopping for a few new outfits to wear to work. Sadly, I still don’t fit into any of my old work clothes – somehow I don’t think yoga pants and drool stained t-shirts will make a good impression of the new coworkers. In the afternoon, I’ll be cleaning and prepping the house for Drew’s 1
st Birthday party this weekend. I feel bad that he is at daycare on my last day of maternity leave, but thankfully we had the past few days to play and enjoy together. I still can’t believe that my baby boy is turning 1. It has been a year of ups and downs, the path hasn’t always been rosy, but I’m ending maternity leave on high. I’m proud of the mother I have become and I’m equally proud of both my hubby and Andrew – we have all grown up this year and our lives changed for the better. While I’m sad to be ending this chapter of my life, I look forward to moments we will share together as a family. While there are tears in my eyes right now, I’ve no doubt that there will be plenty of smiles in the future for us.

04 October 2010

Sigh...it will get better

Not having the best day. Now that October has arrived, I find myself feeling weepy about returning to work. Drew has been to daycare four times now and, while it’s nice to have some peace and quiet around the house, I do miss having him around. I don’t find the days too long as I try to keep busy and, in the back of my mind, I know he’s only a five minute drive away if something happens. It’s getting into a new routine once works arrives that has me a bit worried. I’ll be dropping Drew off much earlier in the mornings and his pickup will be dictated by how busy I am at work on any given day. It frightens me to think that I will only have about two hours on weekdays to spend time with him – factor in making/cleaning supper and that really isn’t much quality time.

I think Andrew is also finding the new adjustment a bit difficult. He cries at daycare on and off throughout the day and, while he does genuinely seem to like his caregiver, he whimpers in the mornings when I drop him off at her house. I always make sure to keep a big bright smile on my face when I drop him off buy my heart sinks a little every time I get back into the car. I’m sure it will get better once we both get into the groove, it’s these transition periods that always seem to be most difficult.