Post-Meeting Gluttony

I used to make fun of the vultures that would storm my workplace kitchenette to devour post-meeting leftovers. I would laugh at their fevered excitement as they scuffled over the last mauled cookie, soggy sandwich or stale cracker. Why fight over something that a million other meeting goers riffled through with their dirty paws? Why get all fussed over the leftovers that were passed over by the executives - scraps that were left for us mere mortals?

For all my mocking and guffawing, I am ashamed to admit that I too have fallen victim to post-meeting vulturism. I have no idea where this sudden weakness came from, nor my apparent lack for personal hygiene. Perhaps it’s because I stayed behind to burn the midnight oil; perhaps it’s because I had prime pick of the scraps or maybe it’s because I’ve been so damn good about my diet these past few days. Whatever the reason, I am ashamed to admit that I found myself capriciously clawing my way through hordes of meeting leftovers last night. It was gluttony at its very best...or worst.

What truly surprised me? The food was awesome! As it turns out, our workplace recently switched its catering company and the cooking no longer resembles specimen samples rejected from the upstairs laboratories. No stale crap in the entire lot and I could hardly believe my luck when, low and behold, I found a pile of glistening “pets de soeurs” before my very eyes. No folks, I am not referring to offerings of religious flatulence; I am referring to orgasmic cinnamony goodness and one of my all-time favourite French-Canadian treats. Cinnamon buns are for pansies; real people eat “nun farts.” Only the French could come up with a name so utterly absurd and food so immensely fattening.

Not only did I eat just one pet de soeur, je les tous mangé! And despite the fact that I have a scratchy throat today - undoubtedly from the germs I acquired by eating manhandled reject goodies – I enjoyed every second of my post-meeting gluttony! My only regret was having to fess up to my coworkers this morning and squarely shouldering the blame that I single-handedly polished off all of the “good” leftovers.