One week old

Today hubby and I took Andrew for his first appointment with the pediatrician at Mom’s office. It was an emotional experience because he is now seeing the same pediatrician who tended to me as a child. I remember countless visits while growing up and spending time helping out with filing of tidying the emanation rooms. Back then I certainly never imagine having my own child, let alone the fact that I would be fortunate enough to provide him with the same great care that I received. It was fun to see all the nurses and staff fawn over him; it also helps that he was an absolute angel the entire time. Andrew did his parents proud and I’m glad he didn’t go into total meltdown mode….sadly he saved that for home.

The latter part of this afternoon and evening was nothing short of miserable. Our little man was NOT a happy camper and I think it’s all because his visit to the doctor threw off his feeding a little. He was alert and crying for the rest of the day . We ended up topping him off with an extra feed this evening and that seems to have done the trick (fingers crossed as he slumbers peacefully right now). If there is anything I have learned over the past week – it’s very hard to put a newborn on a schedule straight away. From now on, I’m simply going to feed on cue and ramp him up for longer sleeps at night, if possible.

I still continue to struggle with feeding. After many tears of frustration and pain, I decided to abandon breast feeding and start formula feeding almost exclusively. I have been trying to pump a few times each day to get some breast milk into my little duffer, but I feel as though I spend all my time being a milk cow rather than hands-on Mommy. I met with a lactation consultant this evening because I thought I was coming down with Mastitis and was running a low-grade fever with chills. She tried to give me some pointers on increasing my milk production to ease the pain; a surprise $168 later all I had to show was less dignity (from having a complete stranger rub my breasts for an hour) and a pump rental for one week. I was more than a little peeved because the Ottawa Public Health Nurse that recommended the LC led me to believe that the consultation would be free.

I have been told to pump every three hours to keep up my supply; this includes evening. I wake every 3 hours as it is to formula feed and I can’t see myself waking even earlier now to pump in anticipation of his next feeding. At least with the formula, it is already pre-mixed and ready to go. I’m quickly running out of patience and steam; I’m putting way too much focus on this and, quite frankly, I’m miserable. This is the totally unglamorous part of motherhood that nobody tells you about. I’m done with feeling guilty, lamenting my terrible delivery and doubting my mothering skills – I want to move on. If it takes formula to keep me and baby happy – than formula it shall be. For now I’ll keep up the pumping and see if things get any better, at least I can say I tried.

A week ago today I was wheeled into the recovery room and my life as mother began. I can’t say that either hubby or I have enjoyed the experience of parenthood thus far. We love Andrew, it’s evident every time we look into his eyes or enjoy a snuggle, but saying that this first week has been blissful would be an absolute lie. I look forward to watching him grow and becoming his own little person; this is just a difficult step we have to get through on the way. I have a newfound respect for all parents out there in the world, especially single mothers who have no help or support. No wonder parents take such joy and pride in their children; it takes so much hard work and dedication to raise them from day one. I know it will only get better over time and there will be plenty more laughter, tears and challenges along the way - welcome to parenthood!