24 October 2009

Andrew Wade is here!

We’ve all heard the infamous old adage, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” After 24 hours of labour and a C-Section, I can honestly say that I couldn’t agree more! I may be bruised and battered and my body may feel like a piece of meat, but somehow I’ve come out of this a stronger person and more importantly, a mother!

Andrew Wade
was born on 19 October 2009 at 6:48 PM weighing 7 lbs. 14 oz and measuring 52.5 cms long. He has reddish-blonde hair and, sadly, inherited his mother’s lusty cry and bleach-blonde devil eyebrows. I see so much of myself in him it’s almost eerie!

Sunday, October 18

16:30 – Get up from nap and go to bathroom; feel a small gush of liquid and call the hospital to inform them. They tell me to monitor it and see if I have any contractions.

17:00 – More gushes of liquid.
I won’t go into the graphic details but I knew something was definitely up. Tried to call Mom and Dad to tell them that I might not make it to family dinner but they had the phone off the hook – go figure!

17:30 – Still no contractions so I go to Mom and Dad’s for dinner

18:00 – Lots more liquid so off to the triage we go…just in case.

18:30 – Examined at triage and am told that I am 1 cm and 100 % effaced. They say the liquid isn’t amniotic fluid but I’m totally not convinced.
They hook me up to a fetal monitor and start picking up contractions. The nurse recommends I start walking the halls for a few hours to see if anything happens.

21:00 – Re-examined by doctor and now I’m 3 cm and starting to have more regular contractions. We have an ultrasound to make sure baby is alright and all seems well.
I continue to pace the halls as I am better able to cope with the pain walking and swaying. I could have gone home but I just had a feeling that I’d be turning around and coming back to the hospital.

Monday, October 19

12:00 – 4 cm dilated and the pain starts to get a bit worse. Because I’m very tired and need to rest, the nurse gives me a shot of Nubane to take the edge off. Hubby and I try to sleep in some recliners in the early labour lounge. I nap for 3 minutes and then wake for a contraction…this goes on for hours.

4:00 – Re-examined and told that I would be admitted as soon as they could find me a birthing suite (very busy night). By this point I’m ready for an epidural but still breathing pretty well through contractions.

6:00 – Finally a room!

7:00 – Finally, an epidural! It took better on my left half than my right. I think I was about 6 cm at this point.

13:30 – 10 cm and ready to push. I pushed like a champ for 3 hours but baby was looking up at the sun rather than tucking his head down, which prevented me from pushing him past my pubic bone.
The doctor hoped he would turn but he was still too far up to be aided by forceps or vacuum. Had he been looking the right way, I was told that my pushing would have had him out within 30 minutes.

16:30 – I am told that it will have to be a c-section – my biggest fear. They tell me to stop pushing and it’s sooo hard to stop. I basically fall apart at this point, the epidural isn’t working as well, I start crying and feeling 100 % tired and defeated.

18:00 – After waiting for another few c-sections to end, I am finally wheeled into the OR as a completely emotional mess.
I am given a spinal and almost fall asleep during the procedure. I hated the feeling of being paralyzed and almost preferred a bit of the earlier pain. Hubby almost missed the delivery because nobody went to get him from my room. Thank God for my vigilant orderly, André (Andrew, coincidently), that went to fetch him.

18:48 – Andrew is born looking rather blue but screaming loudly nonetheless. He had lots of mucus and had to go to the nursery to have his blood oxygen levels monitored.
He wasn’t there long and passed his APGAR tests with flying colours. I got to give him a quick kiss and off he went with Daddy. I didn’t even cry or feel particularly happy because I was too tired and shaking quite badly from the spinal.

20:30 – I am finally reunited with my family in our room. I got to nurse Andrew while in recovery but the nurse pretty much had to do all the work because I was so exhausted.

Dan, Andrew and I spent a total 3 nights recovering at the hospital.
It was quite a challenge because I was in no condition to get up and care for my son. Hubs had to be a single-parent for the most part and I’m so proud of him for grabbing hold of the reigns. I almost feel leagues behind him as a parent as I am just starting to interact with Andrew more now and become involved in his day-to-day care.

Our “family” came home on 22 October.
At first I was terrified about how I would manage without the help of the wonderful nurses and staff at the Montfort – they were beyond kind and wonderful. Now that I’m here, however, it feels fantastic to be back in my own space. I’m starting to reenter the world and it feels less like the twilight zone. I’m still quite stiff and it will be a while before I feel better both physically and emotionally. I’m still grieving the delivery that I had hoped for.

It has been difficult not being able to simply hop out of bed and care for my son the way that I would like to.
I didn’t get that instant bond that I had always dreamed of but it grows day-by-day. I did a lot of crying and berating myself, which sounds illogical, but it is apparently completely normal for those that had a difficult labour or unexpected c-section.

I have had to put Andrew on formula for the time being as I heal and I simply can’t keep up with his demands for milk.
I gave breastfeeding a go and met with a lactation consultant but it wasn’t working out to well and I was too sore and frustrated. Andrew seems far more content on the bottle right now and we’ll see what happens when my milk comes in. For now I try to pump and give him “the good stuff” every second feeding. This has been, by far, the greatest challenge and frustration of motherhood thus far. Right now I feel like I spend more time trying to pump than I do holding or taking care of my baby.

While things did not go as planned, I still have a happy and healthy little boy.
I adore my little “bean” and he IS worth all the pain and frustration. Our initiation into parenthood hasn’t been that enjoyable yet but the worst is over and I know things will only get better as we all figure each other out.

Andrew is a sweet little boy with his Mommy's red hair and a lusty cry, but he's also a total snuggle bum and a decent sleeper "for now". I’m amazed every time I look at him. I did get my happy ending, just not the way I imagined.

Look at that giant "cone head" - proof of how hard Mommy pushed

My little October pumpkin

Happy but tired family

Post bath skin-to-skin with Mom

I just want to be held

1 comment:

HamiHarri said...

Awww - congrats!! He is a sweetie :)