16 June 2009

A gift from Grammy

My worst childhood fear is now confirmed in pregnancy. As I stare at my blotchy purple left leg, I silently curse the little one growing inside of me, “I love you my Son… but what the $%*& are you doing to your Mommy’s poor body?”

I loved my parental Grandmother; the two of us were like peas in a pod during my long summer visits in the Maritimes. Grammy O’Brien was a beautiful woman with a dry sense of humor and a mind as sharp as a tack. Her only unfortunate trait, one that used to both fascinate and horrify me as a child, was the plethora of varicose veins that covered her legs. She told me they were due to a condition she developed during pregnancy and, even as child, I remember fiercely praying that the same fate would not befall me some day.

Try as I might to ignore it, every day I wake up to a new purple or blue splotch or blotch on my leg. The right leg is perfectly fine but the left in becoming a roadmap of veins. Thankfully they don’t pain me at all but I’m still haunted by images of my poor Grammy’s legs. I’m only at the halfway point in my pregnancy and I can’t help but dread what they will look like towards 40 weeks. Looks like I may be enduring Ottawa’s humid summer months wearing compression stockings....yay...

Mothers are infamous for saying, “your body ceases to belong to you during pregnancy,” and now I’m starting to believe it. While I’ve been very fortunate so far, I have to admit that this latest development really bums me out. I thought I would lovingly embrace all aspects of pregnancy and love my body as it changes but I find myself groaning every morning when I look in the mirror. I guess I’m coming to the reality that the “bloom” of youth is gone. I’m still young but there’s no putting things back 100% to the way they were.

In the end, I’ve just got to keep my eye on the prize - a healthy baby boy! Here’s hoping Mommy forgives him for the trouble he’s putting her through.

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